POST-SYNODAL APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION AMORIS LÆTITIA OF THE HOLY FATHER FRANCIS (Chapter Five : 178 - 198)

POST-SYNODAL  APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION

AMORIS LÆTITIA

OF THE  HOLY FATHER

FRANCIS

CHAPTER FIVE

Love made fruiTfuL

an expandinG fruiTfuLness

178.                           Some couples are unable to have chil- dren. We know that this can be a cause of real suffering for them. At the same time, we know that “marriage was not instituted solely for the procreation of children… Even in cases where, despite the intense desire of the spouses, there are no children, marriage still retains its character of being a whole manner and communion of life, and preserves its value and indissolubility”.199 So too, “motherhood is not a solely biological reali- ty, but is expressed in diverse ways”.200

179.                           Adoption is a very generous way to be- come parents. I encourage those who cannot have children to expand their marital love to embrace those who lack a proper family situa- tion. They will never regret having been gener- ous. Adopting a child is an act of love, offering the gift of a family to someone who has none. It is important to insist that legislation help facili- tate the adoption process, above all in the case  of unwanted children, in order to prevent their abortion or abandonment. Those who accept the challenge of adopting and accepting some- one  unconditionally  and  gratuitously   become

199 second vaTican ecumenicaL counciL, Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World Gaudium et Spes, 50.

200 fifTh GeneraL conference of The LaTin american and caribbean bishops, Aparecida Document (29 June 2007), No. 457.

channels of God’s love. For he says, “Even if your mother forgets you, I will not forget you” (Is 49:15).

180.                               “The choice of adoption and foster care expresses a particular kind of fruitfulness in the marriage experience, and not only in cases of in- fertility.  In the light of  those situations where   a child is desired at any cost, as a right for one’s self-fulfilment, adoption and foster care, correct- ly understood, manifest an important aspect of parenting and the raising of children. They make people aware that children, whether natural, adoptive or taken in foster care, are persons in their own right who need to be accepted, loved and cared for, and not just brought into this world. The best interests of the child should al- ways underlie any decision in adoption and foster care”.201 On the other hand, “the trafficking of children between countries and continents needs to be prevented by appropriate legislative action and state control”.202

181.                                We also do well to remember that procre- ation and adoption are not the only ways of ex- periencing the fruitfulness of love. Even large families are called to make their mark on society, finding other expressions of fruitfulness that in some way prolong the love that sustains them. Christian families should never forget that “faith

201    Relatio Finalis 2015, 65.

does not remove us from the world, but draws us more deeply into it… Each of  us,  in fact,  has a special role in preparing for the coming of God’s kingdom in our world”.203 Families should not see themselves as a refuge from society, but instead go forth from their homes in a spirit of solidarity with others.  In this way, they become a hub for integrating persons into society and a point of contact between the public and private spheres. Married couples should have a clear awareness of their social obligations. With this, their affection does not diminish but is flooded with new light.  As the poet says:

“Your hands are my caress, The harmony that fills my days. I love you because your hands Work for justice.

If I love you, it is because you are My love, my companion and my all, And on the street, side by side,

We are much more than just two”.204

182.                          No family can be fruitful if it sees itself  as overly different or “set apart”.  To avoid   this

203 Address at the Meeting with Families in Manila (16 January 2015): AAS 107 (2015), 178.

204 Mario Benedetti, “Te Quiero”, in Poemas de otros, Buenos Aires 1993, 316: ““Tus manos son mi caricia / mis acordes cotidianos / te quiero porque tus manos / trabajan por la justicia. // Si te quiero es porque sos / mi amor mi cómplice y todo / y en la calle codo a codo / somos mucho más que dos.

risk, we should remember that Jesus’ own fami- ly, so full of grace and wisdom, did not appear unusual or different from others. That is why people found it hard to acknowledge Jesus’ wis- dom: “Where did this man get all this? Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary?” (Mk 6:2- 3). “Is this not the carpenter’s son?” (Mt 13: 55). These questions make it clear that theirs was an ordinary family,  close to others, a normal part  of the community. Jesus did not grow up in a narrow and stifling relationship with Mary and Joseph, but readily interacted with the wider fam- ily, the relatives of his parents and their friends. This explains how, on returning from Jerusalem, Mary and Joseph could imagine for a whole day that the twelve-year-old Jesus was somewhere   in the caravan, listening to people’s stories and sharing their concerns: “Supposing him to be in the group of travellers, they went a day’s journey” (Lk 2:44). Still, some Christian families, whether because of the language they use, the way they act or treat others, or their constant harping on the same two or three issues, end up being seen as remote and not really a part of the community. Even their relatives feel looked down upon or judged by them.

183.                            A married couple who experience the power of love know that this love is called to bind the wounds of the outcast, to foster a cul- ture of encounter and to fight for justice. God has given the family the job of  “domesticating”

the world205 and helping each person to see fel- low human beings as brothers and sisters. “An attentive look at the everyday life of today’s men and women immediately shows the omnipresent need for a healthy injection of family spirit… Not only is the organization of ordinary life in- creasingly thwarted by a bureaucracy completely removed from fundamental human bonds, but even social and political mores show signs of degradation”.206 For their part, open and caring families find a place for the poor and build friend- ships with those less fortunate than themselves. In their efforts to live according to the Gospel, they are mindful of Jesus’ words: “As you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me (Mt 25:40)”. In a very real way, their lives express what is asked of us all: “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your kinsmen or rich neigh- bours, lest they also invite you in return, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed” (Lk 14:12-14). You will be bless- ed!  Here is the secret to a happy family.

184.                              By their witness as well as their words, families speak to others of Jesus. They pass on the faith, they arouse a desire for God and  they

205 Cf. Catechesis (16 September 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 17 September 2015, p. 8.

206 Catechesis (7 October 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 9 October 2015, p. 8.

reflect the beauty of the Gospel and its way of life. Christian marriages thus enliven society by their witness of fraternity, their social concern, their outspokenness on behalf of the underpriv- ileged, their luminous faith and their active hope. Their fruitfulness expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society.

Discerning the body

185.                                 Along these same lines, we do well to take seriously a biblical text usually interpreted outside of its context or in a generic sense, with the risk of overlooking its immediate and direct mean- ing, which is markedly social. I am speaking of  1 Cor 11:17-34, where Saint Paul faces a shameful situation in the community. The wealthier mem- bers tended to discriminate against the poorer ones, and this carried over even to the agape meal that accompanied the celebration of the Eucha- rist. While the rich enjoyed their food, the poor looked on and went hungry: “One is hungry and another is drunk. Do you not have houses to  eat and drink in? Or do you despise the Church of God and humiliate those who have nothing?” (vv. 21-22).

186.                                   The Eucharist demands that we be mem- bers of the one body of the Church. Those who approach the Body and Blood of Christ may not wound that same Body by creating scandalous distinctions and divisions among its members. This is what it means to “discern” the body   of

the Lord, to acknowledge it with faith and charity both in the sacramental signs and in the commu- nity; those who fail to do so eat and drink judge- ment against themselves (cf. v. 29). The celebra- tion of the Eucharist thus becomes a constant summons for everyone “to examine himself or herself ” (v. 28), to open the doors of the family to greater fellowship with the underprivileged, and in this way to receive the sacrament of that eucharistic love which makes us one body. We must not forget that “the ‘mysticism’ of the sac- rament has a social character”.207 When those who receive it turn a blind eye to the poor and suffering, or consent to various forms of divi- sion, contempt and inequality, the Eucharist is received unworthily. On the other hand, fami- lies who are properly disposed and receive the Eucharist regularly, reinforce their desire for fra- ternity, their social consciousness and their com- mitment to those in need.

Life in The Wider famiLy

187.                            The nuclear family needs to interact with the wider family made up  of  parents,  aunts and uncles, cousins and even neighbours. This greater family may have members who require assistance, or at least companionship and af- fection,  or  consolation  amid  suffering.208        The

207 benedicT XVI, Encyclical Letter Deus Caritas Est (25 December 2005), 14: AAS 98 (2006), 228.

208    Cf. Relatio Finalis 2015, 11.

individualism so prevalent today can lead to creating small nests of security, where  others are perceived as bothersome or a threat. Such isolation, however, cannot offer greater peace  or happiness; rather, it straitens the heart of a family and makes its life all the more  narrow.

Being sons and daughters

188.                           First, let us think of our parents. Jesus told the Pharisees that abandoning one’s parents is contrary to God’s  law (cf. Mk 7:8-13).  We   do well to remember that each of us is a son or daughter. “Even if one becomes an adult, or an elderly person, even if one becomes a parent, if one occupies a position of responsibility, under- neath all of this is still the identity of  a child.  We are all sons and daughters. And this always brings us back to the fact that we did not give ourselves life but that we received it. The great gift of life is the first gift that we received”.209

189.                       Hence, “the fourth commandment asks children… to honour their father and mother (cf. Ex 20:12). This commandment comes im- mediately after those dealing with God  him- self. Indeed, it has to do with something sacred, something divine, something at the basis of every other kind of human respect. The bib-  lical  formulation  of  the  fourth commandment

goes on to say: ‘that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you’. The virtuous bond between generations is the guarantee of  the future, and is the guarantee of a truly humane society. A society with children who do not honour parents is a society without honour… It is a society destined to be filled with surly and greedy young people”.210

190.                      There is, however, another side to the coin. As the word of God tells us, “a man leaves his father and his mother” (Gen 2:24). This does not always happen, and a marriage is hampered by the failure to make this necessary sacrifice and surrender. Parents must not be abandoned or ig- nored, but marriage itself demands that they be “left”, so that the new home will be a true hearth, a place of security, hope and future plans, and the couple can truly become “one flesh” (ibid.). In some marriages, one spouse keeps secrets from the other, confiding them instead to his or her parents. As a result, the opinions of their parents become more important than the feel- ings and opinions of their spouse. This situation cannot go on for long, and even if it takes time, both spouses need to make the effort to grow in trust and communication. Marriage challenges husbands and wives to find new ways of being sons and daughters.

210 Catechesis (11 February 2015): L’Osservatore Romano,  12 February 2015, p. 8.

The elderly

191.                    “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent” (Ps 71:9). This is the plea of the elderly, who  fear being forgotten and rejected. Just as God asks us to be his means of hearing the cry of the poor, so too he wants us to hear the cry of the elderly.211 This represents a challenge to fami-  lies and communities, since “the Church cannot and does not want to conform to a mentality of impatience, and much less of indifference and contempt, towards old age. We must reawaken the collective sense of gratitude, of appreciation, of  hospitality, which makes the elderly feel like  a living part of the community. Our elderly are men and women, fathers and mothers, who came before us on our own road, in our own house,  in our daily battle for a worthy life”.212 Indeed, “how I would like a Church that challenges the throw-away culture by the overflowing joy of a new embrace between young and old!”213

192.                         Saint John Paul II asked us to be attentive to the role of the elderly in our families, because there are cultures which, “especially in the wake of disordered industrial and urban development, have both in the past and in the present set   the

211    Cf. Relatio Finalis 2015, 17-18.

212 Catechesis (4 March 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 5 March 2015, p. 8.

elderly aside in unacceptable ways”.214 The el- derly help us to appreciate “the continuity of   the generations”, by their “charism of bridging the gap”.215 Very often it is grandparents who ensure that the most important values are passed down to their grandchildren, and “many people can testify that they owe their initiation into the Christian life to their grandparents”.216 Their words, their affection or simply their presence help children to realize that history did not be- gin with them, that they are now part of an age- old pilgrimage and that they need to respect all that came before them. Those who would break all ties with the past will surely find it difficult  to build stable relationships and to realize that reality is bigger than they are. “Attention to the elderly makes the difference in a society.  Does  a society show concern for the elderly? Does it make room for the elderly? Such a society will move forward if it respects the wisdom of the elderly”.217

193.                       The lack of historical memory is a seri- ous shortcoming in our society. A mentality that can only say,  “Then was then, now is now”,     is

214 Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, 27 (22 November 1981): AAS 74 (1982), 113.

215 Id., Address to Participants in the “International Forum on Active Aging” (5 September 1980), 5: Insegnamenti III/2 (1980), 539.

216    Relatio Finalis 2015, 18.

217 Catechesis (4 March 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 5 March 2015, p. 8.

ultimately immature. Knowing and judging past events is the only way to build a meaningful fu- ture. Memory is necessary for growth: “Recall the former days” (Heb 10:32). Listening to the elderly tell their stories is good for children and young people; it makes them feel connected to the liv- ing history of their families, their neighborhoods and their country. A family that fails to respect and cherish its grandparents, who are its living memory, is already in decline, whereas a family that remembers has a future. “A society that has no room for the elderly or discards them because they create problems, has a deadly virus”;218 “it is torn from its roots”.219 Our contemporary ex- perience of being orphans as a result of cultural discontinuity, uprootedness and the collapse of the certainties that shape our lives, challenges us to make our families places where children can sink roots in the rich soil of a collective history.

Being brothers and sisters

194.                      Relationships between brothers and sisters deepen with the passing of time, and “the bond of fraternity that forms in the family between children, if consolidated by an educational atmos- phere of openness to others, is a great school of freedom and peace. In the family, we learn how to live as one. Perhaps we do not always think about

218  Ibid.

219 Address at the Meeting with the Elderly (28 September 2014): L’Osservatore Romano, 29-30 September 2014, p. 7.

this, but the family itself introduces fraternity into the world. From this initial experience of fraterni- ty, nourished by affection and education at home, the style of fraternity radiates like a promise upon the whole of society”.220

195.                   Growing up with brothers and sisters makes for a beautiful experience of caring for and helping one another. For “fraternity in families is especial- ly radiant when we see the care, the patience, the affection that surround the little brother or sister who is frail, sick or disabled”.221 It must be ac- knowledged that “having a brother or a sister who loves you is a profound, precious and unique expe- rience”.222 Children do need to be patiently taught to treat one another as brothers and sisters. This training, at times quite demanding, is a true school of socialization. In some countries, where it has become quite common to have only one child, the experience of being a brother or sister is less and less common. When it has been possible to have only one child, ways have to be found to ensure that he or she does not grow up alone or isolated.

A big heart

196.                         In addition to the small circle of the cou- ple and their children, there is the larger   family,

220 Catechesis (18 February 2015): L’Osservatore Romano,  19 February 2015, p. 8.

221  Ibid.

222  Ibid.

which cannot be overlooked. Indeed, “the love between husband and wife and, in a derivative and broader way, the love between members of the same family – between parents and children, brothers and sisters and relatives and members of the household – is given life and sustenance by an unceasing inner dynamism leading the fam- ily to ever deeper and more intense communion, which is the foundation and soul of the com- munity of marriage and the family”.223 Friends and other families are part of this larger family, as well as communities of families who support one another in their difficulties, their social com- mitments and their faith.

197.                    This larger family should provide love and support to teenage mothers, children with- out parents, single mothers left to raise children, persons with disabilities needing particular af- fection and closeness, young people struggling with addiction, the unmarried, separated or wid- owed who are alone, and the elderly and infirm who lack the support of their children. It should also embrace “even those who have made ship- wreck of their lives”.224 This wider family can help make up for the shortcomings of parents, detect and report possible situations in which children  suffer  violence  and  even  abuse,  and

223 John pauL II, Apostolic Exhortation  Familiaris Consortio (22 November 1981), 18: AAS 74 (1982), 101.

224 Catechesis (7 October 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 8 October 2015), p. 8.

provide wholesome love and family stability in cases when parents prove incapable of this.

198.                         Finally, we cannot forget that this larger family includes fathers-in-law, mothers-in-law and all the relatives of the couple. One particu- larly delicate aspect of love is learning not to view these relatives as somehow competitors, threats or intruders. The conjugal union demands re- spect for their traditions and customs, an effort to understand their language and to refrain from criticism, caring for them and cherishing them while maintaining the legitimate privacy and independence of the  couple.  Being  willing to do so is also an exquisite expression of generous love for one’s spouse.