POST-SYNODAL APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
AMORIS LÆTITIA
OF
THE HOLY FATHER
FRANCIS
CHAPTER
SIX
some pasToraL perspecTives
199. The dialogue that
took place during the Synod raised the need for new pastoral
methods. I will attempt
to mention some of these in a very
general way.
Different communities will have to devise more practical and
effective initiatives that respect both the Church’s
teaching and local problems
and needs. Without claiming to pres-
ent a pastoral plan for the family, I
would now like to reflect on some more significant pastoral challenges.
procLaiminG The GospeL of The
famiLy Today
200. The Synod
Fathers emphasized that
Chris- tian families, by the grace of the sacrament of matrimony, are the principal agents of the
family apostolate, above all through “their joy-filled wit- ness as domestic churches”.225 Consequently, “it
is important that people experience the Gospel of the family as a joy that
‘fills hearts and lives’, because in Christ
we have been ‘set free from sin,
sorrow, inner emptiness and
loneliness’ (Evangelii Gaudium, 1). As in
the parable of the sower (cf. Mt
13:3-9), we are called to help sow seeds;
225 Relatio Synodi 2014,
30.
the rest is God’s work. Nor must we forget that, in her
teaching on the family, the Church
is a sign of contradiction”.226 Married
couples are grateful that their pastors uphold the high ideal of a love that is
strong, solid, enduring and ca- pable of sustaining them through whatever
trials they may have to face. The Church wishes, with humility and compassion,
to reach out to fami- lies and “to help each family to discover the best way to
overcome any obstacles it encounters”.227 It
is not enough to show generic concern for the
family in pastoral planning. Enabling families to take up their role as active
agents of the family apostolate calls for “an effort at evangelization and
catechesis inside the family”.228
201. “This effort calls
for missionary conver- sion by
everyone in the Church, that is, one
that is not content to proclaim a merely theoretical message without connection
to people’s real problems”.229 Pastoral care
for families “needs to make it clear
that the Gospel of the family responds to the deepest expectations of the hu-
man person: a response to each one’s dignity
and fulfilment in reciprocity, communion and fruit- fulness. This consists not merely in presenting a set of rules, but in proposing values that
are clearly needed today, even in the most secularized
226 Ibid.,
31.
227 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 56.
228 Ibid.,
89.
229 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 32.
of countries”.230 The Synod Fathers also “high- lighted the fact
that evangelization needs unam- biguously to denounce cultural, social,
political and economic factors – such as the excessive importance given to
market logic – that prevent authentic family life and lead to discrimination,
poverty, exclusion, and violence. Consequently, dialogue and cooperation need
to be fostered with societal structures and encouragement giv- en to lay people
who are involved, as Christians, in the cultural and socio-political fields”.231
202. “The main
contribution to the pastoral care of families is offered by the parish, which
is the family of families, where small communities, ecclesial movements and
associations live in har- mony”.232 Along with a pastoral outreach aimed specifically at families, this shows the need for “a
more adequate formation... of priests, deacons, men and women religious,
catechists and other pastoral workers”.233 In
the replies given to the worldwide consultation, it became clear that or- dained
ministers often lack the training needed to deal with the complex
problems currently facing families.
The experience of the broad oriental tradition of a married clergy could also
be drawn upon.
230 Ibid.,
33.
231 Ibid.,
38.
232 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 77.
233 Ibid.,
61.
203. Seminarians should
receive a more exten- sive interdisciplinary,
and not merely doctrinal, formation in the areas of engagement and mar- riage.
Their training does not always allow them to explore their own psychological
and affective background and experiences. Some come from troubled families, with
absent parents and a lack of emotional stability.
There is a need to ensure that the formation process can enable them to
attain the maturity and psychological balance needed for their future ministry.
Family bonds are essential for reinforcing healthy self-esteem. It is important for families to be part of the sem-
inary process and priestly life, since they help to reaffirm these and to keep
them well grounded in reality. It is helpful for seminarians to com-
bine time in the seminary with time spent in
par- ishes. There they can have greater
contact with the concrete realities of family life, since in their future
ministry they will largely be dealing with families. “The presence
of lay people, families and especially the presence of women in priestly formation, promotes an
appreciation of the di- versity and complementarity of the different vo-
cations in the Church”.234
204. The response to the
consultation also insisted on the need for training lay leaders who can assist
in the pastoral care of families, with the help of teachers and counsellors, family and
234 Ibid.
community physicians, social workers, juvenile and family advocates,
and drawing upon the contributions of psychology,
sociology, marital therapy and counselling. Professionals, espe- cially
those with practical experience, help keep pastoral initiatives grounded in the real situations
and concrete concerns of families.
“Courses and programmes, planned specifically for pas- toral workers, can be of assistance by integrat-
ing the premarital preparation programme into the broader dynamic of ecclesial
life”.235 Good pastoral training
is important “especially in light of particular emergency situations arising
from cases of domestic violence and sexual abuse”.236 All this in no way diminishes,
but rather comple- ments, the
fundamental value of spiritual direc- tion, the rich spiritual treasures of the
Church, and sacramental Reconciliation.
preparinG enGaGed
coupLes for marriaGe
205. The Synod Fathers
stated in a number of ways that we need to help young people discov- er the
dignity and beauty of marriage.237 They should be
helped to perceive the attraction of a
complete union that elevates and perfects the social dimension of existence,
gives sexuality its deepest
meaning, and benefits
children by
235 Ibid.
236 Ibid.
237 Cf. Relatio Synodi 2014, 26.
offering them the best context for
their growth and development.
206. “The complexity of today’s society and the challenges faced by the family require
a great- er effort on the part of the whole Christian com- munity in preparing those who are
about to be married. The importance of
the virtues needs to be included.
Among these, chastity proves invaluable for the genuine growth of love be- tween persons. In this regard,
the Synod Fathers agreed on the need to involve
the entire commu- nity more
extensively by stressing the witness of families themselves and by grounding
marriage preparation in the process of Christian initiation by bringing out the
connection between mar- riage, baptism and the other sacraments. The Fathers
also spoke of the need for specific pro- grammes of marriage preparation aimed
at giv- ing couples a genuine experience of
participation in ecclesial life and a complete introduction to various aspects
of family life”.238
207. I encourage Christian communities to rec-
ognize the great benefit that they themselves re- ceive from supporting engaged
couples as they grow in love. As the
Italian bishops have ob- served,
those couples are “a valuable resource because, as they sincerely
commit themselves to grow in love and
self-giving, they can help
238 Ibid., 39.
renew the fabric of the whole
ecclesial body. Their special form of friendship can prove con- tagious and foster the growth
of friendship and fraternity in the Christian community of which they are a
part”.239 There are a number of
legiti- mate ways to structure programmes of marriage preparation, and each
local Church will discern how best to provide a suitable formation without distancing young people from the sacrament. They do not need to be taught the entire
Cat- echism or overwhelmed with too much infor- mation. Here too, “it is not great knowledge, but rather the ability to feel and relish things interiorly that contents and
satisfies the soul”.240 Quality is more important than quantity, and priority should be given – along with a
renewed proclamation of the kerygma –
to an attractive and helpful presentation of
information that can help couples to live the rest
of their lives together “with great courage
and generosity”.241 Marriage
preparation should be a kind of “initi- ation” to the
sacrament of matrimony, provid- ing couples with the help they need to receive
the sacrament worthily and to make a solid be- ginning of life as a family.
239 iTaLian bishops’ conference, Episcopal
Commission on Family and Life, Orientamenti
pastorali sulla preparazione al matrimonio e alla famiglia (22 October
2012), 1.
240 iGnaTius of LoyoLa, Spiritual Exercises, Annotation 2.
241 Ibid.,
Annotation 5.
208. With the help of
missionary families, the couple’s own
families and a variety of pastoral resources, ways should also be found to
offer a remote preparation that, by example and good advice, can help their love to grow and mature. Discussion groups
and optional talks
on a variety of topics of genuine interest
to young people
can also prove helpful. All the same, some individ- ual meetings remain
essential, since the prima- ry objective is to help each to learn how
to love this very real person with
whom he or she plans to share his or her whole life. Learning to love someone does not happen automatically, nor can it be taught in a workshop just prior to the cele- bration
of marriage. For every couple,
marriage preparation begins at birth. What they received from their family
should prepare them to know themselves and to make a full and definitive
commitment. Those best prepared for marriage are probably those who learned
what Christian marriage is from their own parents, who chose each other
unconditionally and daily renew this decision. In this sense, pastoral
initiatives aimed at helping married
couples to grow in love and in
the Gospel of the family also help their children, by preparing them for their
future married life. Nor should we
underestimate the pastoral value of traditional religious practices. To give just
one example: I think of Saint Valentine’s Day;
in some countries, commercial interests are
quicker to see the potential of this celebration than are we in the Church.
209. The timely
preparation of engaged cou- ples by the parish community should also assist
them to recognize eventual problems and risks.
In this way, they can come to
realize the wisdom of breaking off a relationship whose failure and painful
aftermath can be foreseen. In their ini- tial enchantment with one another,
couples can attempt to conceal
or relativize certain things
and to avoid disagreements; only later do problems surface. For this reason, they should be strongly
encouraged to discuss what each expects from marriage, what they understand by love and com- mitment, what each wants from the
other and what kind of life they
would like to build together. Such discussions would help
them to see if they in fact have little in common and to realize that mutual
attraction alone will not suffice to keep them together. Nothing is more
volatile, precar- ious and unpredictable than desire. The deci- sion to marry should never be encouraged unless the couple has discerned deeper reasons that will ensure a genuine and stable commitment.
210.
In any event, if one
partner clearly rec- ognizes the other’s weak
points, he or she needs to have a
realistic trust in the possibility of help- ing to develop the good points that
counterbal- ance them, and in this way to
foster their human growth. This entails a willingness to face even- tual
sacrifices, problems and situations of con- flict; it demands a firm resolve to be ready for this. Couples
need to be able to detect danger
signals in their relationship and
to find, before the wedding, effective ways of responding to them. Sadly, many couples marry without really knowing one another. They have enjoyed each other’s company and done things together, but without facing the
challenge of revealing them- selves and coming
to know who the other person
truly is.
211.
Both short-term and
long-term marriage preparation should ensure
that the couple
do not view the wedding
ceremony as the end of the road, but instead
embark upon marriage
as a life- long calling based
on a firm and realistic decision to face all trials and difficult
moments together. The pastoral care of engaged and married cou- ples should be
centred on the marriage bond, assisting couples not only to deepen their love but also to overcome problems and
difficulties. This involves not only helping them to accept the Church’s teaching and to have recourse to her valuable
resources, but also offering practical programmes, sound
advice, proven strategies and psychological guidance. All this calls for a ped- agogy of love,
attuned to the feelings and needs of young people and capable of helping them
to grow interiorly. Marriage
preparation should also provide couples with the names of places, people and
services to which they can turn for help when problems arise. It is also important to remind them of the availability of the
sacrament of Reconciliation, which allows them to bring
their sins and past mistakes, and
their relation- ship itself, before God, and to receive in turn his merciful forgiveness and healing strength.
The preparation of the celebration
212. Short-term
preparations for marriage tend to be concentrated on invitations, clothes, the
party and any number of other details that tend to drain not only the budget
but energy and joy as well. The
spouses come to the wedding ceremony exhausted and harried, rather than fo-
cused and ready for the great step that they are about to take. The same kind
of preoccupation with a big celebration also affects certain de fac- to unions; because of the expenses
involved, the couple, instead of being concerned above all with their love and solemnizing it in the presence
of others, never get married. Here let me say a word to fiancés. Have the courage to be differ- ent. Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a
society of consumption and empty appearances. What is important is the love you share, strength- ened and sanctified by grace. You are capable of opting for a more modest and simple celebration in which love takes precedence over everything else. Pastoral workers and
the entire community can help make this priority the norm rather than the exception.
213. In their preparation for marriage, the cou-
ple should be encouraged to make the liturgical celebration a profound personal
experience and
to appreciate the meaning of each
of its signs. In the case of two baptized persons,
the commit- ment expressed by
the words of consent and the bodily union that consummates the marriage can only be seen as signs of the
covenantal love and union between
the incarnate Son of God and his
Church. In the baptized, words and signs be- come an eloquent language of
faith. The body, created with a
God-given meaning, “becomes the language of the ministers of the sacrament,
aware that in the conjugal
pact there is expressed
and realized the mystery that has its origin in God himself ”.242
214. At times, the couple
does not grasp the theological and spiritual
import of the words of consent, which illuminate the
meaning of all the signs that follow. It
needs to be stressed that these words cannot be reduced to the present; they involve a totality that includes the
future: “until death do us part”. The content of the words of consent makes it
clear that “freedom and fidelity are not opposed
to one another; rath- er, they are mutually supportive, both in
inter- personal and social relationships. Indeed, let us consider the damage
caused, in our culture of global communication, by the escalation of un- kept
promises... Honouring one’s word,
fidelity to one’s promises: these are things
that cannot be
242 John pauL II, Catechesis (27 June 1984), 4: Insegnamenti
VII/1 (1984), 1941.
bought and sold. They cannot be
compelled by force or maintained without sacrifice”.243
215.
The Kenyan Bishops have observed that “many [young people]
concentrate on their wed- ding day and forget the life-long commitment they are
about to enter into”.244 They need to be encouraged to see the
sacrament not as a single moment that then becomes a part of the past and its memories,
but rather as a reality that per- manently influences the whole of married
life.245 The procreative meaning of sexuality, the lan- guage of the body, and the signs of love shown throughout married life, all
become an “unin- terrupted continuity of liturgical language” and “conjugal
life becomes in a certain sense liturgi- cal”.246
216. The couple can also
meditate on the bib- lical readings and the meaningfulness of the rings they
will exchange and the other signs that are part of the rite. Nor would it be
good for them to arrive at the wedding without ever hav- ing prayed together,
one for the other, to seek God’s help in remaining faithful and
generous,
243 Catechesis (21 October 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 22 October 2015,
p. 12.
244 kenya conference of caThoLic bishops, Lenten Message (18 February 2015).
245 Cf. pius XI, Encyclical Letter Casti
Connubii (31 December 1930): AAS 22 (1930), 583.
246
John pauL II,
Catechesis (4 July
1984), 3, 6: Insegnamenti VII/2 (1984), pp. 9, 10.
to ask the Lord together what he
wants of them, and to consecrate their love
before an image of the Virgin Mary. Those
who help prepare them for marriage should help them experience these moments of
prayer that can prove so beneficial. “The marriage liturgy is a unique event,
which is both a family and a community
celebration. The first signs of Jesus were performed at the wedding feast of
Cana. The good wine, result- ing from the Lord’s
miracle that brought joy to the beginning of a new family, is the new wine of Christ’s
covenant with the men and women of every age... Frequently,
the celebrant speaks to a congregation that includes people who sel- dom participate in the life of the Church, or who
are members of other Christian denominations or religious communities. The
occasion thus provides a valuable opportunity to proclaim the Gospel of Christ”.247
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