POST-SYNODAL APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
AMORIS LÆTITIA
OF
THE HOLY FATHER
FRANCIS
CHAPTER
TWO
The experiences
and chaLLenGes of famiLies
31.
The welfare of the
family is decisive for the future of the
world and that of the Church. Countless studies have been made of marriage and the family, their current problems and chal- lenges. We do well to focus on concrete reali-
ties, since “the call and the demands of the
Spirit resound in the events of history”, and through these “the Church
can also be guided to a more profound understanding of the inexhaustible
mystery of marriage and the family”.8 I will not
attempt here to present all that might be said about the family today. Nonetheless, because the Synod
Fathers examined the situation of
families worldwide, I consider it fitting to take up some of their pastoral
insights, along with concerns derived from my own experience.
The currenT reaLiTy
of The famiLy
32. “Faithful
to Christ’s teaching we
look to the reality of the
family today in all
its complexity, with both its lights
and shadows… Anthropological and
8 John pauL II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio
(22 November 1981), 4: AAS 74 (1982),
84.
cultural
changes in our times
influence all aspects of life and call for an analytic
and diversified ap- proach”.9 Several decades ago, the Spanish bish- ops noted that families have come to enjoy great- er freedom “through an equitable distribution of duties,
responsibilities and tasks”; indeed, “a greater emphasis on personal
communication between the spouses helps to make family life more humane”, while
“neither today’s society nor that to
which we are progressing allow an uncritical survival of older forms and
models”.10 It is also evident that
“the principal tendencies in
anthropological-cultural changes” are leading “individuals, in personal and
family life, to re- ceive less and less support from social structures than in
the past”.11
33. On the other hand,
“equal consideration needs to be given to the growing danger repre- sented by
an extreme individualism which weak- ens family bonds and ends up considering
each member of the family as an isolated unit, leading in some cases to the idea
that one’s personality is shaped by his or her desires, which are
con- sidered absolute”.12 “The tensions
created by an overly individualistic culture,
caught up with pos-
sessions and pleasures, leads to intolerance and
9 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 5.
10 spanish bishops’ conference, Matrimonio y familia (6 July 1979), 3, 16, 23.
11 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 5.
12 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 5.
hostility in families”.13 Here I would also include today’s fast pace of life, stress and the
organi- zation of society and labour, since all these are cultural factors
which militate against permanent
decisions. We also encounter
widespread uncer- tainty and ambiguity.
For example, we rightly value a personalism that opts for authenticity as op- posed to
mere conformity. While this can favour spontaneity and a better use of people’s talents, if misdirected it can foster attitudes of
constant suspicion, fear of commitment, self-centredness and arrogance. Freedom
of choice makes it pos- sible to plan our lives and to make the most of ourselves. Yet if this freedom lacks noble goals or personal discipline, it degenerates into
an inability to give oneself generously to others. Indeed,
in many countries where the number of marriages is decreasing, more and more peo- ple are choosing to
live alone or simply to spend time
together without cohabiting. We can
also point to a praiseworthy concern for justice; but if misunderstood, this
can turn citizens into cli- ents interested solely
in the provision of services.
34.
When these factors
affect our understand- ing of the family, it
can come to be seen as a way station, helpful when convenient, or a
set- ting in which rights can be asserted while rela- tionships are left to the
changing winds of per- sonal desire and circumstances. Ultimately,
it is
13 Relatio Finalis 2015,
8.
easy nowadays to confuse genuine
freedom with the idea that each individual can act arbitrarily, as if
there were no truths, values and principles to provide guidance, and everything
were possible and permissible. The ideal of marriage, marked by a commitment to
exclusivity and stability, is swept
aside whenever it proves inconvenient or tiresome. The fear of loneliness and
the desire for stability and fidelity exist side by side with a growing fear of
entrapment in a relationship that
could hamper the achievement of one’s personal
goals.
35. As Christians, we can
hardly stop advo- cating marriage simply to avoid
countering con- temporary sensibilities, or out of a desire to be
fashionable or a sense of helplessness
in the face of human and moral
failings. We would be depriving the
world of values that we can and must offer.
It is true that there is no sense in simply decrying present-day evils,
as if this could change things. Nor
it is helpful to try to impose rules
by sheer authority. What we need is
a more responsible and generous effort to present the reasons and motivations
for choosing marriage and the family, and
in this way to help men and women
better to respond to the grace that God offers
them.
36. We
also need to be humble and realistic,
acknowledging that at times the way we pres- ent our Christian beliefs and treat
other people has helped contribute
to today’s problematic
situation. We need a healthy dose of self-crit- icism. Then too, we often present marriage in such a way that its unitive meaning, its call to
grow in love and its ideal
of mutual assistance are overshadowed by an almost exclusive insistence on the duty
of procreation. Nor have we always
provided solid guidance to young married cou- ples,
understanding their timetables, their way
of thinking and their concrete concerns. At times we have also proposed a far too abstract and
al- most artificial theological ideal of marriage, far removed from the
concrete situations and prac- tical possibilities of real families. This
excessive idealization, especially when we have
failed to inspire trust in God’s grace,
has not helped to make marriage more desirable and attractive, but quite the opposite.
37. We have long thought that simply by stress-
ing doctrinal, bioethical and moral issues,
without encouraging openness to grace, we were provid- ing sufficient
support to families, strengthening the marriage bond and giving meaning to marital life. We find it difficult to present marriage more as a dynamic path
to personal development and fulfilment than as a lifelong burden. We also
find it hard to make room for the consciences of the faithful, who very
often respond as best they can to
the Gospel amid their limitations, and are ca- pable of carrying out their own
discernment in complex situations. We have been called to form consciences, not to replace them.
38. We
must be grateful that most people do value
family relationships that are permanent and marked by mutual respect. They
appreciate the Church’s efforts to
offer guidance and coun- selling in areas related to growth in love, over- coming conflict and raising
children. Many are touched by the power of grace experienced in sacramental
Reconciliation and in the Eucharist, grace that helps them face the challenges of mar- riage and the
family. In some countries, espe- cially in various parts of Africa,
secularism has not weakened certain
traditional values,
and mar- riages forge a
strong bond between two wider
families, with clearly defined structures for deal- ing with problems and
conflicts. Nowadays we are grateful too for the witness of marriages that have not only proved lasting,
but also fruitful
and loving. All these factors
can inspire a positive and welcoming pastoral approach capable
of helping couples to grow in appreciation of the demands of the Gospel. Yet we have
often been on the defensive, wasting pastoral energy on denounc- ing a
decadent world without being proactive in proposing ways of finding true
happiness. Many people feel that the Church’s
message on mar- riage and the family does not clearly reflect the
preaching and attitudes of Jesus, who set forth a demanding ideal yet never failed to show
com- passion and closeness
to the frailty of individuals like the Samaritan woman or
the woman caught in adultery.
39. This is hardly to suggest that we cease
warn- ing against a cultural decline
that fails to promote
love or self-giving. The
consultation that took place prior to the last two Synods pointed to the various symptoms of a “culture of the
ephem- eral”. Here I think, for example, of the speed with which people move from one affective rela- tionship to another. They believe,
along the lines of social networks, that love can be connected or
disconnected at the whim of the consumer, and the relationship quickly
“blocked”. I think too of the fears associated with permanent com- mitment, the
obsession with free time, and those relationships that weigh costs and benefits for the sake of remedying loneliness,
providing protection, or offering some service. We treat affective relationships the way we treat material objects and the environment: everything is
dis- posable; everyone uses and throws away,
takes and breaks, exploits and squeezes to the last drop. Then, goodbye. Narcissism makes
people incapable of looking beyond themselves,
beyond their own desires and needs. Yet sooner or later, those who use others
end up being used them- selves, manipulated
and discarded by that same mind-set. It is also worth noting that breakups
often occur among older adults who seek a kind of “independence” and reject the
ideal of grow- ing old together, looking after and supporting one another.
40. “At
the risk of oversimplifying, we might say that
we live in a culture which
pressures young people not
to start a family, because they lack
possibilities for the future. Yet this
same culture presents others with so many options that they too are dissuaded
from starting a family”.14 In some
countries, many young persons “postpone a wedding for economic reasons, work or study.
Some do so for other reasons, such as the influ- ence of ideologies
which devalue marriage and family, the
desire to avoid the failures of
other couples, the fear of something they consider too important and sacred,
the social opportunities and economic benefits associated with simply living
together, a purely emotional and roman- tic conception of love, the fear of losing their freedom and
independence, and the rejection of something conceived as purely institutional
and bureaucratic”.15 We need to find the right lan- guage, arguments and forms of
witness that can help us reach
the hearts of young people,
appeal- ing to their capacity for generosity,
commitment, love and even
heroism, and in this way inviting
them to take up the challenge of marriage with enthusiasm and courage.
41.
The Synod Fathers
noted that “cultural tendencies in today’s world
seem to set no limits on a person’s affectivity”;
indeed, “a narcissistic,
14 Address to the United States Congress (24
September 2015):
L’Osservatore
Romano, 26 September 2015, p. 7.
15 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 29.
unstable or changeable affectivity does not always allow a person to grow to
maturity”. They also expressed concern about the current “spread of pornography
and the commercialization of the body, fostered
also by a misuse of the internet, and about those “reprehensible situations
where people are forced into prostitution”. In this con- text, “couples are
often uncertain, hesitant and struggling to find ways to grow. Many tend to re- main in the early stages of their affective and sex-
ual life. A crisis in a couple’s relationship destabi- lizes the family and may lead, through separation and divorce, to serious
consequences for adults, children and society
as a whole, weakening its in-
dividual and social bonds”.16 Marital
problems are “often confronted in haste and without the courage to have patience and reflect, to make
sacrifices and to forgive one another. Failures give rise to new relationships, new couples, new civil unions,
and new marriages, creating family situations which are complex and problematic
for the Christian life”.17
42. Furthermore, “the
decline in population, due to a mentality against having children and promoted
by the world politics of reproductive health, creates not only a situation in
which the relationship between generations is no longer ensured but also the
danger that, over time, this
16 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 10.
17 Third exTraordinary GeneraL assembLy of The
synod of bishops, Message, 18 October 2014.
decline will lead to economic
impoverishment and a loss of hope in the future. The develop- ment of
bio-technology has also had a major im-
pact on the birth rate”.18 Added
to this are oth- er factors such as “industrialization, the sexual revolution,
the fear of overpopulation and eco- nomic problems… Consumerism may also deter people from having children, simply
so they can maintain a certain freedom and life-style”.19 The upright consciences of spouses who have been generous in transmitting life
may lead them, for sufficiently serious reasons, to limit the number of their
children, yet precisely “for the sake of this dignity of conscience, the Church
strongly rejects the forced State intervention in favour of contraception,
sterilization and even abortion”.20 Such
measures are unacceptable even in places with high birth rates, yet also in countries with
disturbingly low birth rates we see politicians en- couraging them. As the bishops of Korea have said, this is “to act in a way that is self-contradic- tory and to neglect one’s duty”.21
43. The weakening of
faith and religious prac- tice in some societies has an effect on families,
leaving them more isolated amid their difficulties. The Synod Fathers noted
that “one symptom
18 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 10.
19 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 7.
20 Ibid.,
63.
21 caThoLic bishops’ conference of korea, Towards a Culture of Life! (15 March 2007), 2.
of the great poverty of
contemporary culture is loneliness, arising from the absence of God in
a person’s life and the
fragility of relationships. There is also a general feeling of powerlessness in
the face of socio-cultural realities that often- times end up crushing
families… Families often feel abandoned due to a lack of interest and at-
tention on the part of institutions. The negative impact on the social order is
clear, as seen in the demographic crisis, in the difficulty of raising
children, in a hesitancy to welcome new life, in a tendency to see older persons as a burden,
and in an increase of emotional problems and out- breaks of violence. The State
has the respon- sibility to pass laws and create work to ensure the future of young people
and help them realize
their plan of forming a family”.22
44. The lack of dignified
or affordable housing often leads to
the postponement of formal re- lationships. It should be kept in mind that “the
family has the right to decent housing, fitting
for family life and commensurate to the num- ber of the members, in a
physical environment that provides the basic services for the life of the
family and the community”.23 Families and
homes go together. This makes us see
how im- portant it is to insist on the rights of the family and not only those
of individuals. The family
is
22 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 6.
23 ponTificaL counciL
for The famiLy, Charter of the Rights
of the Family (22 October 1983),
Art. 11.
a good which society cannot do
without, and it ought to be protected.24 “The Church has always
held it part of her mission to promote marriage and the family and to defend
them against those who attack them”,25 especially
today, when they are given scarce
attention in political agendas. Families have the right to “to be able to count on
an adequate family policy on the part of public authorities in the juridical,
economic, social and fiscal domains”.26 At times
families suffer terribly when, faced with the illness of
a loved one, they lack access to adequate health care, or struggle to find dignified employment.
“Economic con- straints prohibit a family’s
access to education, cultural activities and involvement in the life of society. In many ways, the present-day economic situation is keeping people from
participating in society. Families, in
particular, suffer from prob- lems related to work, where young people have few possibilities and job offers are
very selective and insecure. Workdays are
long and oftentimes made more burdensome by extended periods away from home. This situation does not
help family members to gather together or parents to be with their children in
such a way as to nurture their relationships each day”.27
24 Cf. Relatio Finalis 2015, 11-12.
25 ponTificaL counciL
for The famiLy, Charter of the Rights
of the Family (22 October 1983),
Introduction.
26 Ibid.,
9.
27 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 14.
45. “A
great number of children are born out- side of
wedlock, many of whom subsequently grow up with just one of their parents or in
a blended or reconstituted family… The sexual exploitation of children is yet
another scandal- ous and perverse reality in present-day society. Societies experiencing violence
due to war, ter- rorism or the
presence of organized crime are witnessing the deterioration of the family, above
all in large cities, where, on their outskirts, the so-called phenomenon
of ‘street-children’ is on the rise”.28 The sexual
abuse of children is all the more
scandalous when it occurs in places where they ought to be most safe,
particularly in fami- lies, schools, communities and Christian institu- tions.29
46. “Migration is another
sign of the times to be faced and understood in terms of its nega- tive effects on family life”.30 The recent Synod drew attention to this issue, noting that “in
var- ious ways, migration affects
whole populations in different parts of the world. The Church has exercised a
major role in this area. Maintaining and expanding this witness to the Gospel
(cf. Mt
25:35) is urgently needed today more than ever… Human
mobility, which corresponds to the natural historical
movement of peoples, can prove to be a genuine enrichment for both
28 Relatio Synodi 2014, 8.
29 Cf. Relatio Finalis 2015, 78.
30 Relatio
Synodi 2014, 8.
families that migrate and
countries that welcome them. Furthermore, forced migration of fami- lies,
resulting from situations of war, persecu- tion, poverty and injustice, and
marked by the vicissitudes of a journey that often puts lives at risk, traumatizes people and destabilizes families. In accompanying migrants, the Church needs a specific
pastoral programme addressed not only to families that migrate but also to
those fami- ly members who remain
behind. This pastoral activity must be implemented with due respect for their
cultures, for the human and religious formation from which they come and for
the spiritual richness of their rites and traditions, even by means of a
specific pastoral care… Mi- gration is particularly dramatic and devastating to
families and individuals when it takes place illegally and is supported by
international net- works of human trafficking. This is equally true when it involves women or
unaccompanied chil- dren who are
forced to endure long periods of time in temporary facilities and refugee
camps, where it is impossible to start a process of inte- gration. Extreme poverty and other situations of family breakdown sometimes even lead fam-
ilies to sell their children for prostitution or for organ trafficking”.31 “The persecution of Chris- tians and ethnic
and religious minorities in many parts of the world, especially in the Middle East,
31 Relatio
Finalis 2015, 23; cf. Message
for the World Day of Migrants and Refugees on 17 January 2016 (12 September
2015), L’Osservatore Romano, 2
October 2015, p. 8.
are a great trial not only for the
Church but also the entire international community. Every ef- fort should be
encouraged, even in a practical way, to
assist families and Christian communities
to remain in their native lands”.32
47. The Fathers also
called particular attention to “families of persons with special needs,
where the unexpected challenge of dealing with a disa- bility can upset a family’s
equilibrium, desires and expectations… Families who lovingly
accept the difficult trial of a child with special needs are greatly to be
admired. They render the Church and society an invaluable witness of
faithfulness to the gift of life. In these situations, the family can discover,
together with the Christian com- munity, new
approaches, new ways of acting, a different way
of understanding and identifying with others, by welcoming and caring
for the mystery of the frailty of human life. People with disabilities are a gift for the family and an oppor- tunity to grow in love, mutual aid and unity… If the family, in the light of the faith, accepts
the presence of persons with special needs, they
will be able to recognize and ensure the quality and value of every human life,
with its proper needs, rights and opportunities. This approach will pro-
mote care and services on behalf of these dis- advantaged persons and will
encourage people to draw near to them and
provide affection at
32 Relatio Finalis 2015,
24.
every stage of their life”.33 Here I would stress that dedication and
concern shown to migrants and to persons with special needs alike is a sign of
the Spirit. Both situations are paradigmatic: they serve as a test of our
commitment to show mercy in welcoming others and to help the vulnerable to be
fully a part of our communities.
48.
“Most families have great respect for the elderly, surrounding them with affection
and considering them a blessing. A special word
of appreciation is due to those associations and family movements
committed to serving the el- derly, both
spiritually and socially… In highly industrialized societies, where the number
of el- derly persons is growing even as the birth rate declines, they can be
regarded as a burden. On the other hand, the care that they require often puts
a strain on their loved ones”.34 “Care and
concern for the final stages of life is all the more necessary today, when contemporary society at-
tempts to remove every trace of death and dying.
The elderly who are vulnerable and dependent are at times unfairly exploited
simply for eco- nomic advantage. Many families show us that it is possible to
approach the last stages of life by emphasizing the importance of a person’s sense of fulfilment and
participation in the Lord’s pas- chal
mystery. A great number of elderly peo-
ple are cared for in Church institutions, where,
33 Ibid.,
21.
34 Ibid.,
17.
materially and spiritually, they can live in a peace- ful, family atmosphere. Euthanasia
and assisted suicide are serious threats to families worldwide; in many
countries, they have been legalized.
The Church, while firmly opposing these practices, feels the need to assist
families who take care of their elderly and infirm members”.35
49. Here I would also
like to mention the sit- uation of families living in dire poverty and great limitations. The problems faced by
poor households are often all the more trying.36 For
example, if a single mother has to raise a
child by herself and needs to leave the child alone at home while
she goes to work, the child can grow
up exposed to all kind of risks and obstacles to personal growth. In such
difficult situations of need, the Church must be particularly concerned to offer understanding, comfort
and acceptance, rather than imposing straightaway a set of rules that only lead
people to feel judged and aban- doned by the very Mother called to show them God’s mercy. Rather than offering the healing power of grace and the light
of the Gospel mes- sage, some would “indoctrinate” that message, turning it
into “dead stones to be hurled at oth- ers”.37
35 Ibid.,
20.
36 Cf. ibid., 15.
37 Concluding
Address of the Fourteenth Ordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops (24 October 2015): L’Osservatore
Romano, 26-27 October 2015, p. 13.
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